Have you ever been so busy that your off days are busy? That's basically my life. For those of you who have read my previous blog about the last nine months of my life, you know that it has been tiring. I also have a tendency to be a yes man and put my hand to stirring a variety of pots. I feel it has been expected of me too though. Sometimes I put it on myself, and sometimes life happens, people need things, situations change, and I end up serving, helping, leading, or whatever else.
I'm at a point where at times it gets tiring and my flesh kicks in. At times I find myself getting more easily aggravated, where before I may have been a little more patient. Sometimes I just wish it could all stop and I drive miles away from my stress, or at least what I've deemed as stress.I confess that sometimes I would really like for people to understand my feelings, that I'm not always available when they expect me to be. Why doesn't this happen? Why do I sometimes feel like I'm just a resource to some people and nothing more? Why can't people let me do me?
Being a people person has its benefits, but at the same time can be consuming. While I love community and serving, sometimes my desire to serve can become idolatrous and I im to get people's affirmation through it, which at times gets me in a spot of being stretched. I love serving and helping others, but too many times my heart is sometimes built on doing too much serving and not taking moments to rest in Christ.
God is really working my life right now. As I've been stretched lately, God has shown me things about him, others, and myself that I'd like to share:
1) God is sovereign. Even in times where the "yes man" part of me gets in the way of resting in him, he sovereignly uses it to remind to rest next time, or that he will use these different things for my growth and his glory. He's humbling me through the process.
2) I am called to serve regardless, and while it may not always be fun, it can be for my good, and if I can reflect Christ by serving others then may God be seen and the Gospel known by others by my life and speech.
3) Scripture calls us to serve others, more specifically the body, so that their needs would be met and no one would be in need. Scripture also encourages us to see others as more significant than ourselves. Sometimes that means that it would seem like we're being taken advantage of. Yet Christ came down in humility and gave his life for us. Likewise, my life is not mine, but is meant to be lived to glorify God and sometimes that means being sacrificial.
4) It's totally fine and not wrong or sinful to say no. Sometimes, because of guilt or to make sure the person won't be upset with us, we decided to help. But sometimes we can't, and sometimes we need rest, and that's fine!
I pray that through this process, God would keep shaping me as he sees fit, and that I would be wise on when to serve and know the right way to serve, and that, when needed, I would say no. Being stretched isn't always fun, but I highly believe God is gonna make us holy yet, and he is sovereignly using this in my life. May he be praised for his good works.